It’s not smut…it’s art!

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 I enjoy sex. If there were a like button I’d press it. I like having sex, writing about sex, reading about sex and talking about sex. I like laughing about sex, too. Sex lends itself well to parody. Case in point — Hollywood movies. Every R-rated (non-splatter/torture porn/horror/war) movie has the obligatory sex scene — or two or three — which typically falls into two categories: the rip-each-other’s-clothes off–bang-against-the-fridge-because you’re so overcome with carnal lust you can’t even make it to the bedroom or a fairly comfortable piece of furniture; or the slow, grinding, warmly-lit, pelvis-thrusting bedroom copulation featuring numerous side-view close-ups of the star’s (or their body double’s) perfectly sculpted asses, pecs, breasts and panting, perspiring faces. Pleasssssse, just give me the cutaway to the equally cliché afterglow scene.

About to get carried away

Getting carried away

Getting way too carried away

Another innocent casualty

In the early days of porn (the John Holmes, Marylyn Chambers, Seka, Ron Jeremy years), the female porn stars were usually quite beautiful, while the male porn stars were almost uniformly grotesque – such as Ron Jeremy, aka “the hedgehog.” Equally disheartening, the feature length films all too often tried to replicate the cornball Hollywood plot trappings and mood-ring lighting, while raincoat-clad male theater patrons waited anxiously for the next sex scene, Kleenex gripped firmly in left hand. Fortunately, technology improved enough for peep shows to move in and get to the point quicker. Then video replaced film and DVDs replaced peep shows and the Internet replaced everything.

Not bad, not bad at all

Marilyn Chambers career arc

Bad, very bad: Ron Jeremy aka “The Hedgehog” in the glory days

Worse, much, much, much worse: The Hedgehog today. Note the selective chest waxing — a triumph of modern manscaping

Personally, I always preferred the stories. In the 70s, while John Holmes struggled to attain/maintain an erection in countless feature films, full-length erotic novels were being pumped-out in glorious profusion. BeeLine was an imprint I still recall.

Beeline novels: from the “Golden Age” of literary porn

A little less “golden”?

I prefer reading erotica for the same reason I enjoy writing it – I get to use my imagination – and people get to use their imaginations when they read my smutty scribblings.

Audience participation. Not so great in stand-up comedy clubs, excellent for erotica. I’m not quite sure whether the sex scenes included in The Book of Paul (or the dozens omitted from the published version) can really be classified as erotica, even though I’ve received numerous affirmations from readers who found them erotic. Actually, “hot” was the adjective most frequently used, though I write them as much for laughs as for bulge/lube effect. I’m posting one here that didn’t end up on the cutting room floor, where Martin helps Rose with her plugged sink — and puts the plumbing in.

http://wp.me/P2ujrg-bM

To circle back to the movies, I had a comment that reminded me of a hollywood sex scene that was really good. Which made me think of one: I had to reach back for this but the hottest sex scene I ever saw in a mainstream movie was Donald Sutherland and Julie Christie in Don’t Look Now. Sutherland denies that it was real (http://bit.ly/LREKXn) but the rumors still persist (http://bit.ly/N1DfoB)

The real deal? Sutherland and Christie burn up the celluloid.

Care to weigh in on the debate? Can you name a movie sex scene that actually was HOT?

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