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Home» Articles posted by Richard Long (Page 3)

Articles posted by Richard Long

I’m with STUPID!

Posted by Richard Long - February 21, 2013 - Funny shit, Richard Long
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Yes, it’s true. I’ve been with a lot of stupid people. And a lot of people have been with me. We’re all capable of idiocy to varying degrees. I suppose the true measure of success in life is to keep the stupid/smart ratio weighted toward the gray matter zone. Am I immune to asshatism? Heck no! Anyone who knows me well can certainly serve up a heaping plate of DUMB when asked to recall something realllllly stupid I’ve done, asked, considered, plotted, acted out, bet on, lost my shirt, still paying the price for, etc. etc. etc. But so what? To be is to do…a bunch of stupid crap that you can never take back again.

Who loves you, baby?

Me. Stupid.

I'm with stupid

Read More dumb people, funny photos, I'm with stupid, stupid people

My Valentine Birthday! Sweet.

Posted by Richard Long - February 11, 2013 - Funny shit, Giveaways, Richard Long, The Book of Paul, The Dream Palace

Gun control? Not around my Christmas tree!

Am I really as old as that TV set? No. Cute baby, though.

My birthday is Valentine’s Day. It is a good day to be born.

Set of vintage design elements for Happy Valentine's DayTwice as many kisses; I always say. My brother was born on St. Patrick’s Day, which is odd. Two boys, two saints, both mostly fictionalized. My mom always made a heart-shaped vanilla cake, with vanilla icing and little peppermint hearts trimming the edge.  It was delicious. My awesome wife Ariane, who also happens to be an awesome chef and could fix me the ultimate birthday cake using the Magnolia Bakery recipe, but I’m off sugar. Oh well, cupcakes for the kids.

Read More Birthday, horror, richard long, Signed Paperbacks, The Book of Paul, The Dream Palace, valentines day

Waiting for TEOTWAWKI

Posted by Richard Long - February 4, 2013 - Funny shit, Richard Long
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Just got an email appeal from the Dems to chip in a donation to try and legislate some kind of gun control measures. The email came in response to the NRA‘s expected “NO WAY!” reaction to the proposed ban on assault rifles, huge ammo clips and any form of sensible registration policy to try and […]

Read More Assault weapon, Federal Assault Weapons Ban, Gun control, Libertarian, National Rifle Association, NRA, richard long, United States, Weapons, WTSHTF

It’s Flu Season!

Posted by Richard Long - January 15, 2013 - Interviews, Reviews, Richard Long, The Book of Paul, Tours and Events
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Deck the halls with balls of Kleenex! yes, it’s that most wonderful time of the year again…flu season! Once again, I neglected to get a flu shot, relying on my interferon pumped immune system to get me through the winter without a single day of bed rest. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of jinxing myself by pointing out to my wife that I haven’t had the flu or even a teensy cold (allergies don’t count right?) for the last TWO years! 48 hours later I woke up to find myself so fatigued and achy that I had to get back into bed, which suddenly reminds me of a song by Ian Dury and the Blockheads called Reasons to be Cheerful, where the back-up singers happily wail to a disco beat “Why doncha get back into bed? Why doncha get back into bed?”

Which is exactly what I did, and consequently had an unpaid (by me), unproductive (except for the New York Times crossword) sick day. Ick day. However, were it not for the compounded interest jinx fee I’d have to pay if I came right out and said that my immune system rallied true to form and handily defeated a battalion of tiny spiked tennis balls that are commonly known as influenza viruses, let me just say this: Vitamin C. And not just any form of Vitamin C either! Nosirree…none of those fake capsules and tablets that could be Vitamin F or U or K for all you know. No glass of juice (from concentrate) that’s strained to the point where you wouldn’t be able to guess what fruit it came from in a blind taste test. No, take it from a viral ninja tenth degree black&blue belt–only one daily supplement is required to keep you on your feet and hammering boards across all your doors and windows to fend off all the zombie hoards of flu sufferers who want what YOU have:

ORANGEBERRY! And brains. What kind of brains? The kind of brains that heat-seeks the very best in daily entertainment, courtesy of their kick-ass-take-names-big-bad-Book-of-Paul-blog-tour!

Hmmm…it might be a too late for you. Open wider and say: AHHHHRRRRGGGH!!

Read More angry birds, bird flu, blog tour, Flu, flu shot, Orangeberry, zombie, zombie apocalypse

Have a Santastic Christmas!

Posted by Richard Long - December 24, 2012 - Funny shit, Richard Long, The Book of Paul
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It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Or not, depending on your naughty/nice tally this year. Unlike that second most judgmental guy in the big white beard, I wish everyone out there an unconditionally Merry Christmas! Even Paul has mostly merriment to share in his special Christmas message:

Even though Yeshua was birthed in April (the old-fashioned way) and never saw a reindeer or a pine tree in his unfairly short, though fairly productive life, he probably would have liked all the twinkly lights and candy canes and yule logs made of chocolate, cause he always had a serious sweet tooth. On the other hand, being a man of simple tastes who wore the same linen tunic and sandals day after day, he wouldn’t have looked none to kindly on the fat man in the red suit with the big bag O’goodies or the Black Friday sales with everything marked down to wholesale, on account of his own Black Friday courtesy of an anonymous tip to the Sanhedrin as to where he was holed up with the 13 disciples–including dreadful sister Mary — and who knows better than I how much those nails must have hurt. But even so, the Good King Jesus the Christ was always generous to a fault, even with me when I wasn’t quite so magnanimous in return, so the gift-giving festivities might have brought a wee smile to his face. So in honor of his passing, his return and his continued bloodline that should have been snuffed out if only Billy wasn’t such a puss and had done his duty to Clan and King with only half the dedication of you wondrous soldiers of the Cailleigh banner, let us raise our tumblers of Ole Bushmills to the King of Love and Father of those goddam O’Neils and wish their clan a very merry Christmas that they might as well enjoy now while they can before we wipe every last one of them off the face of the earth. Cheers Yeshua! You were, and always will be, the very best of us — which of course, was always your problem.

Love and bristly holiday kisses,
Paul

So from all of the Kelly Clan to you — Merry Christmas! Here’s a big gang of Badass Santas to keep the hell out of your chimney!

Read More Bad Santa, Funny Santa pictures, Santa

The Happiest of Thanksgivings at The Dream Palace

Posted by Richard Long - November 21, 2012 - Ariane Zurcher, Autism, Richard Long, The Book of Paul, The Dream Palace
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HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU! For those not subscribed yet there is still time to sign up for the newsletter to get a special thank you from Richard and family. If you sign up before the end of November will also receive access to the first ten chapters of Richard Long’s up and coming young-adult fantasy, The Dream Palace. […]

Read More Dream Palace, Family, Holidays, Thanksgiving

Another Sneak-Peak at The Dream Palace: Chapter Two (and why I wrote it)

Posted by Richard Long - November 20, 2012 - Ariane Zurcher, Autism, Giveaways, Paranormal, Richard Long, Sci-Fi, The Dream Palace, Thriller
10

There’s still time to subscribe to the newsletter and get your Turkey Day mailing of the first 30 pages of my forthcoming YA fantasy, The Dream Palace. The first one page chapter titled “The Door” that I posted yesterday sets the mood, takes you to the threshold of The Dream Palace and introduces our first protagonist and the story’s narrator, Chris Sullivan. The second chapter, “Daisy” brings you into the Sullivan household and kicks off the action.

A bit of backstory here: I began The Book of Paul two years before I met my wife, Ariane. At the time, I had no children nor any interest in becoming a parent. But all that changed when we connected and…presto!…we had a son, Nicholas, followed eighteen months later by a baby girl, Emma. I LOVE being a dad, and love my family more than anything, as anyone who knows me well will attest. Nonetheless, I came from a very dark place and I continued to write about all the creepy, traumatic, highly sexual and violent material that fans of The Book of Paul have come to love and loathe. But as my children grew, it became increasingly clear to me at bedtime that I wouldn’t be reading any story of mine while they were still children. So, I decided to write a book for my kids that they could read before they were old enough to vote.

The theme of the story and the impetus to write it came when our daughter turned 4 years old, two years after she had been diagnosed with autism. Like many parents who receive such news, the “experts” inform parents about the “tragedy” of autism — and basically scare the shit out of you. I knew nothing about autism at the time, so I dug into the internet while Ariane read every book ever written on the subject. The news was not good. No one knew what autism was, what caused it, or how to alleviate the more difficult manifestations (I never use the “cure” word anymore for reasons I’ll go into at a later date). At this point, Emma had lost most of the language she had, was making very little eye contact and had obsessive/compulsive behaviors that could be dangerous to her.

Read More autism therapy, dreaming, lucid dreams

Special Subscriber Sneak-Peek Preview: The Dream Palace

Posted by Richard Long - November 19, 2012 - Funny shit, Giveaways, Paranormal, Richard Long, Sci-Fi, Supernatural, The Book of Paul, The Dream Palace, Thriller
3

With turkey day looming like triple-decker punkin’ pie, I thought a little gratitude was in order for all the amazing support and enthusiasm that’s been served up to me and the Kelly boys in such a cornucopia of abundance. So for all our blog subscribers I have a Thank-you-for-giving Day present to munch on in between heaping helpings of you favorite holiday binge foods: the first THIRTY pages of The Dream Palace, my new YA fantasy/mystery/sci-fi/thriller (because, as all you Paul fans know, one genre is never enough for me).

This special Dream Palace subscriber newsletter will go out late Wednesday night or early Thanksgiving Day, so if you haven’t signed up yet, there’s still a little time left. Just click here now to sign up for more fun freebies, ebook gift codes and other fun surprises. And now to tantalize your turkey-primed tastebuds, here is the first short chapter of The Dream Palace:

Read More free gift codes, newsletter, Norman Rockwell, Paul, subscribe, subscriber, Supper, Thanksgiving

The Mudge Report – November 15th Blog Talk Radio

Posted by Richard Long - November 15, 2012 - Interviews
0

Ancient occult secrets, science and alchemy, dreams and the nature of reality. All that heady, weird stuff plus gripes with bible literalists, 6,000-year-old dinosaurs, Silas of the DaVinci code vs. Paul and other trash talk. Jeff was really a wonderful host and so great to gab with! Hope you enjoy! Listen to internet radio with […]

Read More Blog Talk Radio, Interview

Q: WTSHTF, what do preppers pack in their G.O.O.D kit for TEOTWAWKI? A: Plenty of Ballistic Wampum. (a brief guide to survivalist acronyms)

Posted by Richard Long - November 1, 2012 - Funny shit, Paranormal, Richard Long, Thriller
8

Translation of above: When The Shit Hits The Fan, what do Preppers (survivalists) pack in their Get Out Of Dodge (City) kit for The End Of The World As We Know It?

Plenty of Ballistic Wampum (ammunition for barter purposes).

When I began developing a new character who is a survivalist deeply dug into a redwood forest in northern California, I started my research, as usual, with Wikipedia. As every intelligent person knows there, can be a lot of sketchy information and a bundle of intentional misinformation on Wiki, but whoever wrote this entry on Survivalism is so entertaining, I don’t care if he/she invented every last word. And the words that filled my Bug Out Bag (BOB) to overflowing were the acronyms in the Survivalist Terminology section. I could just end this blog here with this link, but for those who are click-resistant, here’s the section in its entirety:

Survivalists tend toward using military acronyms such as OPSEC and SOP, and terminology common among Peak Oil adherents and gun culture. They also use terms that are unique to their own lexicon—some key survivalist terms and acronyms include:

Alpha Strategy: The practice of storing extra consumable items, as a hedge against inflation, and for use in barter and charity. Coined by John Pugsley.

Read More armageddon, bomb shelter, Bug out bag, end of the world, nuclear disaster, survivalism, Survivalist, zombie ammunition, zombie apocalypse, zombies
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