I’ve always believed that any good vs. evil tale is only as good as the evil. The best villains are the ones you end up rooting for—the ultimate guilty pleasure. You want them to survive, so you can get another unhealthy dose of evil down the road. Check out the following links for various lists of the top literary villains of all time and the top film villains of all time. I’ve included three lists in each category to point out the overlap of critical consensus. In literary fiction, many of the same names keep popping up. Ditto with the film villains. Which are your favorite villains from each list (or your own write-ins)?Read More
I’ve been known to say that I don’t suffer fools gladly, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes I don’t suffer at all. Take these ladies and gentlemen for example. Please. Here’s a Best of Collection” from my Nation of Idiots posts plus some new favorites:
Good kitty!Read More funny photos, funny pictures, idiots, morons, stupid people
Come again? Sure, but you have to wait until Easter! Badoomboom! But seriously folks, Thank God It’s Good Friday! Why? What’s so Good about Good Friday? Wellllll…as all those who’ve have read The Book of Paul know, most of the action in the story takes place between Holy Thursday (what’s for dinner? Roast rump!) and Good Friday. And for everyone who hasn’t read The Book of Paul, now it’s on sale for 50% off until roll-away-the-stone day! That’s only $1.99 — the price of a tall Starbucks coffee as opposed to the regular $3.99 grande latte price. Wow! What a deal! Yes, indeed it is. And it’s available only on Amazon http://amzn.to/LJf2nX so tell your friends, family, creditors and rival clan members that they better take advantage of this once-in-a-weekend opportunity, before Paul decides he doesn’t feel quite so generous anymore.
Okay. Now that we’ve made your weekend a whole lot darker by spreading the gospel according to Paul, let’s zero in on that gloomiest of all religious HolyDays–Friday the Good. Being a former altar boy educated by friendly nuns and way-friendlier priests, I’ve been well indoctrinated in the Party Line position of the Church regarding the significance of Good Friday, which can be summed up as: Christ HAD to die to cleanse us all from Original Sin®.
HOWEVER, since we all continue to be born with Original Sin®, and therefore have to be baptized to RE-cleanse ourselves (otherwise we will surely burn in hell for all eternity), I’m still a little cloudy on the “HAD to die” reasoning. Another thing that doesn’t quite add up for me is the whole “on the third day He shall rise again” bit. Admitedly, I’m no math whiz, but if Jesus died at 3:15 in the afternoon of Friday and was out of the tomb at sunrise on Easter, that comes to…wait a sec, let me get my calculator…um…okay, got it: about 39 hours. Hmmmm. Weird, huh?Read More Blog radio, Easter, Gnostic Gospels, Good Friday, Good Wednesday, Gospel of Mary, Gospel of Philip, Gospel of Thomas, Gospel of Truth, Hermes, Hermeticism, Nag Hammadi, Sophia, The Dead End, Women who love Paul
I enjoy sex. If there were a like button I’d press it. I like having sex, writing about sex, reading about sex and talking about sex. I like laughing about sex, too. It’s perfect for parody. Case in point — Hollywood movies. Every R-rated (non-splatter/torture porn/horror/war) movie has the obligatory sex scene — or two or three — which typically fall into two categories: the rip-each-other’s-clothes off–bang-against-the-fridge-because you’re so overcome with carnal lust you can’t even make it to the bedroom or a fairly comfortable piece of furniture; or the slow, grinding, warmly-lit, pelvis-thrusting bedroom copulation featuring numerous side-view close-ups of the star’s (or their body double’s) perfectly sculpted asses, pecs, breasts and panting, perspiring faces. Pleasssssse, just give me the cutaway to the equally cliché afterglow scene.Read More Beeline, Erotica, Fatal Attraction, Glenn Close, Hollywood, John Holmes, Marilyn Chambers, Michael Douglas, Ron Jeremy, sex scenes
Yes, it’s true. I’ve been with a lot of stupid people. And a lot of people have been with me. We’re all capable of idiocy to varying degrees. I suppose the true measure of success in life is to keep the stupid/smart ratio weighted toward the gray matter zone. Am I immune to asshatism? Heck no! Anyone who knows me well can certainly serve up a heaping plate of DUMB when asked to recall something realllllly stupid I’ve done, asked, considered, plotted, acted out, bet on, lost my shirt, still paying the price for, etc. etc. etc. But so what? To be is to do…a bunch of stupid crap that you can never take back again.
Who loves you, baby?
Read More dumb people, funny photos, I'm with stupid, stupid people
Am I really as old as that TV set? No. Cute baby, though.
My birthday is Valentine’s Day. It is a good day to be born.
Twice as many kisses; I always say. My brother was born on St. Patrick’s Day, which is odd. Two boys, two saints, both mostly fictionalized. My mom always made a heart-shaped vanilla cake, with vanilla icing and little peppermint hearts trimming the edge. It was delicious. My awesome wife Ariane, who also happens to be an awesome chef and could fix me the ultimate birthday cake using the Magnolia Bakery recipe, but I’m off sugar. Oh well, cupcakes for the kids.Read More Birthday, horror, richard long, Signed Paperbacks, The Book of Paul, The Dream Palace, valentines day
Just got an email appeal from the Dems to chip in a donation to try and legislate some kind of gun control measures. The email came in response to the NRA‘s expected “NO WAY!” reaction to the proposed ban on assault rifles, huge ammo clips and any form of sensible registration policy to try and […]Read More Assault weapon, Federal Assault Weapons Ban, Gun control, Libertarian, National Rifle Association, NRA, richard long, United States, Weapons, WTSHTF
Deck the halls with balls of Kleenex! yes, it’s that most wonderful time of the year again…flu season! Once again, I neglected to get a flu shot, relying on my interferon pumped immune system to get me through the winter without a single day of bed rest. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of jinxing myself by pointing out to my wife that I haven’t had the flu or even a teensy cold (allergies don’t count right?) for the last TWO years! 48 hours later I woke up to find myself so fatigued and achy that I had to get back into bed, which suddenly reminds me of a song by Ian Dury and the Blockheads called Reasons to be Cheerful, where the back-up singers happily wail to a disco beat “Why doncha get back into bed? Why doncha get back into bed?”
Which is exactly what I did, and consequently had an unpaid (by me), unproductive (except for the New York Times crossword) sick day. Ick day. However, were it not for the compounded interest jinx fee I’d have to pay if I came right out and said that my immune system rallied true to form and handily defeated a battalion of tiny spiked tennis balls that are commonly known as influenza viruses, let me just say this: Vitamin C. And not just any form of Vitamin C either! Nosirree…none of those fake capsules and tablets that could be Vitamin F or U or K for all you know. No glass of juice (from concentrate) that’s strained to the point where you wouldn’t be able to guess what fruit it came from in a blind taste test. No, take it from a viral ninja tenth degree black&blue belt–only one daily supplement is required to keep you on your feet and hammering boards across all your doors and windows to fend off all the zombie hoards of flu sufferers who want what YOU have:
ORANGEBERRY! And brains. What kind of brains? The kind of brains that heat-seeks the very best in daily entertainment, courtesy of their kick-ass-take-names-big-bad-Book-of-Paul-blog-tour!
Hmmm…it might be a too late for you. Open wider and say: AHHHHRRRRGGGH!!Read More angry birds, bird flu, blog tour, Flu, flu shot, Orangeberry, zombie, zombie apocalypse
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Or not, depending on your naughty/nice tally this year. Unlike that second most judgmental guy in the big white beard, I wish everyone out there an unconditionally Merry Christmas! Even Paul has mostly merriment to share in his special Christmas message:
Even though Yeshua was birthed in April (the old-fashioned way) and never saw a reindeer or a pine tree in his unfairly short, though fairly productive life, he probably would have liked all the twinkly lights and candy canes and yule logs made of chocolate, cause he always had a serious sweet tooth. On the other hand, being a man of simple tastes who wore the same linen tunic and sandals day after day, he wouldn’t have looked none to kindly on the fat man in the red suit with the big bag O’goodies or the Black Friday sales with everything marked down to wholesale, on account of his own Black Friday courtesy of an anonymous tip to the Sanhedrin as to where he was holed up with the 13 disciples–including dreadful sister Mary — and who knows better than I how much those nails must have hurt. But even so, the Good King Jesus the Christ was always generous to a fault, even with me when I wasn’t quite so magnanimous in return, so the gift-giving festivities might have brought a wee smile to his face. So in honor of his passing, his return and his continued bloodline that should have been snuffed out if only Billy wasn’t such a puss and had done his duty to Clan and King with only half the dedication of you wondrous soldiers of the Cailleigh banner, let us raise our tumblers of Ole Bushmills to the King of Love and Father of those goddam O’Neils and wish their clan a very merry Christmas that they might as well enjoy now while they can before we wipe every last one of them off the face of the earth. Cheers Yeshua! You were, and always will be, the very best of us — which of course, was always your problem.
Love and bristly holiday kisses,
So from all of the Kelly Clan to you — Merry Christmas! Here’s a big gang of Badass Santas to keep the hell out of your chimney!
Read More Bad Santa, Funny Santa pictures, Santa
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU! For those not subscribed yet there is still time to sign up for the newsletter to get a special thank you from Richard and family. If you sign up before the end of November will also receive access to the first ten chapters of Richard Long’s up and coming young-adult fantasy, The Dream Palace. […]Read More Dream Palace, Family, Holidays, Thanksgiving