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Home» Horror

Horror

Trick or…WTF???

Posted by Richard Long - October 31, 2017 - A Nation of Idiots, Funny shit, Horror
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Still haven’t settled on the perfect costume for your kids this year? In the interest of good parenting, here are some helpful suggestions on what to definitely avoid, what to probably avoid, and even a few that are just “too darn cute”!

The Bad…

Daddy, do we have any crack left?

Read More air freshener, costume, funny, Halloween, Hannibal Lecter, Hitler costume, Johnny Cash, Madonna, Risky Business, scary, Scissorhands, Wallenda, weird

The Secret to Being a Tough Guy

Posted by Richard Long - April 11, 2014 - Excerpts, Horror, Paul's Quote O'the Night, Richard Long, The Book of Paul
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An excerpt from the chapter “The Secret to Being a Tough Guy” from The Book of Paul, where Paul begins instructing (corrupting) his young apprentice, Michael Bean: “Let me cut right to the point,” Paul said, sweeping his arm like he was erasing a cluttered blackboard. “Have you ever wanted to kill someone?” Michael’s mouth […]

Read More corruption, predator, prey, sheep, wolves

DUST! The Gospel According to Paul for Ash Wednesday!

Posted by Richard Long - March 5, 2014 - Horror, Occult, Paranormal, Richard Long, Supernatural, The Book of Paul
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Ash what?

For those who’ve read The Book of Paul, you know that Paul loves to wax philosophical from time to time, especially when he’s trying to convince William to DO HIS DUTY for Clan and King. Billy, our faithful narrator,  is highly motivated by Paul’s blackmail threats and promises of power, riches and glory, but his ambivalence continues to infuriate Paul throughout the story. William chronicles their encounters in his journal entries which inform the reader of Paul’s true motives as each layer of the onion is peeled away.

This excerpt below is from one of William’s journal entries, entitled DUST! One of my favorites, it gives Paul the bully pulpit for a sermon about death that should give you some good shivers and plenty to contemplate. It also ends with my favorite Paul quote in the book. SPOILER ALERT: this chapter takes place well after the halfway point of the novel, so if you haven’t read the book and intend to, BE WARNED, there are revelations that will dampen the suspense. But for fans of the book, I’d love to hear your comments on Paul’s provocative  monologue. Enjoy!

 

“DUST!” Paul shouted so loudly I thought the ceiling might crack.

“The Bible says God made Adam out of dust and breathed His life inside him. He made him born to die. All things turn to dust in time, they say. All except a few. My children died so I could live, and earn the wisdom of their sacrifice. Now I’ll pass it on to you. All of us are killers. Each and every one. We live by eating life. Time has robbed us of this knowing. Time and our shame of the truth. We let others do our killing. We pretend goodness is better than hunger. We fear death and the pain that accompanies it. We pretend they don’t exist.”

He paused and looked at me. “There once was a spiritual seeker who found a guru on the mountaintop. He couldn’t believe his good fortune and so he asked the question that had been burning in his heart: ‘Master,’ he asked, ‘What is the greatest mystery in life?’

“The wise man said, ‘The greatest mystery in life is that we see death all around us and we still can’t believe it will ever happen to us.’”

“I can see you found that amusing,” Paul said, smiling back at me, “but here’s a little twist. The wise man wasn’t so wise after all. It’s no mystery why we hide from death. We hide because we fear it. The greatest mystery of life is death. What force engineered this necessity? What is this thing we call ‘food’? We eat life, William. We eat life! And we eat it every single day!”

He stopped for a moment, then walked to the lectern and put his hands on a giant codex. It looked like it might have been made in the fifth century or even earlier. “When this book was made, people didn’t pretend they were above the occasional murder,” he intoned, rubbing the thick leather binding like Aladdin rubbing the genie’s lamp. “They didn’t put their noses up in the air each time someone lost their head. It was all out in the open. People would fill the public squares for a beheading. Torture was a science. An art! The bravest saints would know the rapture that awaited them when their final breath was torn away. There wasn’t the slightest pretense we were any better than that. Now we have marches and rock concerts, and petitions to stop it. And slaughterhouses and food factories that hide it. Wrap it up on a Styrofoam dish. Microwave it. We pretend death is everywhere except here.”  Then he got very quiet. I had to strain my ears to listen. “But death is here. Now. In this very room, watching us. And death has many secrets to share.”

I felt the hairs on my neck tickle at my shirt collar. “What secrets?”

Read More Ash Wednesday, Death, lent, Steven Colbert

The Book of Paul trailer….it lives!

Posted by Richard Long - October 31, 2013 - Horror, Movie Trailer, Occult, The Book of Paul, Tours and Events
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Happy Halloween everyone! Here’s a treat that was quite a trick to pull off…. THE FINAL BOOK OF PAUL MOVIE TRAILER! It looks amazing! It sounds amazing! Watch it now and then watch it again! Tell everyone you know. Share it on your timelines. Post it on your blogs. Tweet the please the holy hell […]

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TV or not TV? Is it even a question?

Posted by Richard Long - September 11, 2013 - Funny shit, Horror, Paranormal, Richard Long, Sci-Fi, Supernatural, The Book of Paul
2

Awkward pause in the conversation? Here’s the perfect filler: “What TV shows are you watching now?” BAM! You’re almost guaranteed a minimum of fifteen minutes of boisterous banter. And in those rare instances where the answer is: “I don’t watch TV.” You can always ask for the check. Even if you’re not in a restaurant.

What's on tonight? Won't be better than this. What’s on tonight? Won’t be better than this.

Read More Addams Family, Bates Motel, Dallas, Game of Thrones, Garry Shandling, Hannibal, Hugh Dancy, J. R. Ewing, Khaleesi, Larry Hagman, Larry Sanders Show, Lost, Mads Mikkelsen, Mary Tyler Moore, Michael Dunn, Mother of Dragons, Norma Bates, Norman Bates, Orchid Black, Robert Conrad, Tatiana Maslany, Television, Television program, The Wild Wild West, Under the Dome, Wild West

Villains! Ya Gotta Love ‘Em.

Posted by Richard Long - April 4, 2013 - Funny shit, Horror, Occult, Paranormal, Richard Long, Sci-Fi, Sticky, Supernatural, The Book of Paul, Thriller
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I’ve always believed that any good vs. evil tale is only as good as the evil. The best villains are the ones you end up rooting for—the ultimate guilty pleasure. You want them to survive, so you can get another unhealthy dose of evil down the road. Check out the following links for various lists of the top literary villains of all time and the top film villains of all time. I’ve included three lists in each category to point out the overlap of critical consensus. In literary fiction, many of the same names keep popping up. Ditto with the film villains. Which are your favorite villains from each list (or your own write-ins)?

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T.G.I.G.F.

Posted by Richard Long - March 29, 2013 - Funny shit, Horror, Occult, Paranormal, Richard Long, Sticky, The Book of Paul, Thriller
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Come again? Sure, but you have to wait until Easter! Badoomboom! But seriously folks, Thank God It’s Good Friday! Why? What’s so Good about Good Friday? Wellllll…as all those who’ve have read The Book of Paul know, most of  the action in the story takes place between Holy Thursday (what’s for dinner? Roast rump!) and Good Friday. And for everyone who hasn’t read The Book of Paul, now it’s on sale for 50% off until roll-away-the-stone day! That’s only $1.99 — the price of a tall Starbucks coffee as opposed to the regular $3.99 grande latte price. Wow! What a deal! Yes, indeed it is. And it’s available only on Amazon http://amzn.to/LJf2nX so tell your friends, family, creditors and rival clan members that they better take advantage of this once-in-a-weekend opportunity, before Paul decides he doesn’t feel quite so generous anymore.

Jesus-loves-Paulsm

Okay. Now that we’ve made your weekend a whole lot darker by spreading the gospel according to Paul, let’s zero in on that gloomiest of all religious HolyDays–Friday the Good. Being a former altar boy educated by friendly nuns and way-friendlier priests, I’ve been well indoctrinated in the Party Line position of the Church regarding the significance of Good Friday, which can be summed up as: Christ HAD to die to cleanse us all from Original Sin®.

HOWEVER, since we all continue to be born with Original Sin®, and therefore have to be baptized to RE-cleanse ourselves (otherwise we will surely burn in hell for all eternity), I’m still a little cloudy on the “HAD to die” reasoning. Another thing that doesn’t quite add up for me is the whole “on the third day He shall rise again” bit. Admitedly, I’m no math whiz, but if Jesus died at 3:15 in the afternoon of Friday and was out of the tomb at sunrise on Easter, that comes to…wait a sec, let me get my calculator…um…okay, got it: about 39 hours. Hmmmm. Weird, huh?

Read More Blog radio, Easter, Gnostic Gospels, Good Friday, Good Wednesday, Gospel of Mary, Gospel of Philip, Gospel of Thomas, Gospel of Truth, Hermes, Hermeticism, Nag Hammadi, Sophia, The Dead End, Women who love Paul

The Next Big Thing — Blog Hop!

Posted by Richard Long - February 27, 2013 - Funny shit, Horror, Interviews, Occult, Supernatural, The Book of Paul, Thriller, Tours and Events
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I was invited to participate in what can best be described as a chain-letter blog hop. Here’s how it works: someone gave me 10 interview questions which I’m going to answer below. Then I passed on the questions on to 5 other authorswho will post their answers on their own blogs next week, and they pass on the questions to 5 more authors and so on and so on until there is some kind of nuclear blog dirty bomb disaster with a half life of 500,000 years.

The very talented author and superior human being, Kate O’Reilley invited me to this bunny blog hop. Here’s a link to her fab blog and quite interesting answers: http://katevsworld.com/2013/02/20/the-next-big-thing-blog-hop/

So without further adon’t, herewith are my pithy (yes, I do write with a lithp) replies:

1: What is the working title of your book?

The Book of Paul. Does that work for you?

2: Where did the idea come from for the book?

The first line of the book is: He practiced smiling. I wanted to explore a character that had been so damaged that he’d completely shut down emotionally. Could someone like that be redeemed by love? Why yes, of course he can! Right? Well, I hope so.

3: What genre does your book come under?

The Book of Paul covers a lot of ground: occult horror, mystery, thriller, crime, dark fantasy and sci-fi⎯with a healthy dose of humor and a sassy sprinkling of erotica.

4: Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Read More Alphabet City Manhattan, Blog Hop, blog tour, Book of Paul, Chuck Palahniuk, Clive Barker, Kate O''Reilley, New York, Paul, The Next Big Thing, Umberto Eco

Helli-Halloween!

Posted by Richard Long - October 8, 2012 - Funny shit, Horror, Occult, Paranormal, Richard Long, Sci-Fi, Supernatural, The Book of Paul, Thriller
2

Should a 16 year old be allowed to drive around in 2 ½ tons of snarling steel?

You can thank Driver’s Ed classes for that ill-advised decision. Dicey situation at best, right? Now add a bottle of cheap wine, some blotter acid and a carload of drunk, pot-puffing pals. What does that sound like to you? An accident waiting to happen? A recipe for disaster?

I called it Halloween.

My Uncle Jimmy had recently managed to get himself killed by busting his head in a fall. In his apartment. Dead drunk. He left me his car in the will. It was awesomeness itself: A white, convertible 1963 Buick Electra 225 with black leather upholstery, six-way power seats and a turbine drive rocket under the hood, powered by 325 snorting ponies. 0-60 in 8.4 seconds. For a car that weighed over 5,000 pounds with a full boat of teenage asshats. As Eric Cartman would say, “Helli-cool.”


Helli-cool!

Read More acid, Buick Electra 225, Cartman, convertible, drive-in theater, George Romero, Helli-cool, LSD, Night of the Living Dead, South Park

Master of Macabre

Posted by Richard Long - October 4, 2012 - Funny shit, Horror, Occult, Paranormal, Richard Long, Supernatural, The Book of Paul, Thriller
0

TRUE! — nervous — very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses — not destroyed — not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily — how calmly I can tell you the whole story.

Tell me that doesn’t grab your attention by the throat and yank you under those mysteriously thumping floorboards. Any bona fide horror literature maven (raven?) will easily identify that selection as the opening paragraph of Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart.


Vincent Price, The Prince of Poe…and one hell of a scenery muncher!
Uh oh, he looks hungry again, somebody better hide that heart. Hmmmm…maybe under the floor.

Read More Arthur Conan Doyle, Masque of the Red Death, Poe, Poe's Grave, Sherlock Holmes, The Pit and the Pendulum, The Tell-Tale Heart, Watson
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Recent Posts

  • Trick or…WTF???

    October 31, 2017
  • Hackathon Sale!

    February 24, 2016
  • Sneaky Preview: The Dead Mask (sequel to The Book of Paul)

    August 14, 2015
  • The Secret to Being a Tough Guy

    April 11, 2014
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